“If you only do what you can do, you’ll never be more than what you are now.”
“I don’t wanna be more. I like who I am!”
“You don’t even know who you are.”
What if we realise that we are made to be exceptional, to be victorious, to be conquerors even after failing million times over? What would become of us?
How do you undo everything without ruining anything? How do you remove the scars that you left without ripping right into the raw? How do you walk away pretending everything is okay?
When self-doubt paralyzes you, you question whether you actually mean anything to anyone. And when you finally come to terms that you don’t, do you then decide that it’s not worth trying anymore?
They say that the truth will set you free. But they didn’t mention how long it will take.
You try to be tactful but you risk downplaying the situation; you end up euphemising issues. You try to be sensitive but end up being passive aggressive.
We are given the freedom of speech, but we cannot freely speak.
You don’t want people to think they have you all figured out.
You want to be dependable and faithful but you don’t want to be predictable.
You want to be flexible and adaptable but you don’t want to be indecisive.
You want to be open-minded and balanced in your perspectives but you don’t want to risk being contradictory.
You want to maintain your cool and composure but you don’t want to seem too laidback.
How are you drawing your boundaries?
When you are trained and conditioned to spot mistakes in your students’ sentence structures, spelling, content relevance, behaviour, attitude, attire (…the list goes on) every single day, there is a tendency to forget that there are more to them. I am guilty of pedantically focusing too much on my students’ language abilities and their attire at times.
At other times, it feels completely justifiable because some people are just evidently irresponsible, imcompetent, immature etc… It’s so easy then, to perceive and treat them as a summation of their faults and bad qualities.
This serves as a reminder for me every single day – to see the good in SEEMINGLY incorrigible people and in seemingly horrible situations. And to notice the good even in myself.
We are afraid to be seen alone because it might give the impression that we are lonely losers. The phone and ear pieces come in handy at this point – a false fortress we build to guard against our own insecurities. “Hey I still have friends, look, I have so much to do over social media! I’m not lonely!” as we gobble down our food, avoiding eye contact because we fear looking into the eyes of pity.
Perhaps we are actually more afraid of the thoughts in our own mind, for they are scarier than the labels people put on us. Our thoughts that delude us into believing that being alone equates to loneliness. Our thoughts that delude us into believing that people are judging our loneliness when in fact, no one even cares.